Friday, March 13, 2009

Sometimes Time Runs Out

This week has been a very weird week for me. Tuesday evening I found out that my 32 year old uncle passed away. I realized that many of my friends, even my closest friends, didn't even know I had an uncle on my mom's side or that I had an uncle who was just a few months older then I am. It has been many years since my Uncle Phillip was a part of my everyday life and it's been ten years since we've even spoken. But there was a time when I saw Phillip everyday, we went to the same school, the same church and we lived in the same neighborhood. When my dad took me to my first baseball game it was with Phillip and my grandfather that we went with, we went apple picking, we went to Vegas and Disneyland, we shared countless dinners, holidays and birthdays. We shared our early childhoods together and the fact that now he's gone is really hard to take. It's hard because I feel like it can't be true, I mean really he was 32 years old - I'm 32 years old and we are supposed to be a long way from death! Another reason why it's hard for me to take is I feel incredibly guilty for not being in touch with Phillip. A couple of years ago my cousin Kevin ran into Phillip and Phillip asked about us and how we were doing and if Kevin spoke to us (which he thankfully does) Phillip gave Kevin his number and asked him to pass it along which Kevin did right away. I took down the number but I had no real intention to use it. I don't know what it was that prevented me from calling, the awkwardness of catching up after all the years maybe but I don't really know. It wasn't as though I never wanted to speak to Phillip again I just thought there was time, I would get to it or I would find him on MySpace or Facebook and I'd be able to get in touch online without the awkward phone call - but sadly time ran out. There is a lesson to be learned here - don't put things off, don't think there will be time for things, for repairing relationship, for accomplishing things big or small, for making those phone calls, for writing those letters, for taking trips, or enjoying life because you just never when time will run out. It's not a happy lesson and I certainly don't intend to focus on the fact that I could be gone tomorrow but I do want to remember that life is precious, time is precious, love is precious and we can't take these things for granted. I may not have spoken to Phillip in ten years but his life and his death will have a lasting effect and he's taught me a lesson that I will take with me always.


sandy said...

that's definitely a hard lesson. i have several cousins that we grew up with, then lost touch. we reconnected at my grandma's funeral, but didn't keep the relationships intact. i'm sorry for your loss. what took him so young????
it makes me happy that we were able to set aside our differences. let's get together soon!!

tanya said...

this was a really nice post. Even though I didn't know Philip, I think he'd think so as well. :-)

Joy said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. Even though people aren't in your everyday life, they are part of your life.
As for living life to the fullest every day, that is the ONLY way to live. I learned that last fall with the loss of my friends.

Don't feel guilty. I'm sure Philip wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over it.

Mandi said...

Danielle I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your Uncle Phillip. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It seems though that in the passing of your dear uncle an invaluable lesson was learned that you will carry with you forever. Sending hugs and prayers your way during this time.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for posting this and sharing the hard lesson learned. You are in my thoughts.

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